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The driver leaned out his window, flipped me the bird, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is still red, you fucking moron?
"Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the apple on the tree that got us banished from Paradise, it was the pair on the ground. “In Iraq they don't have hanging chads, they just have hangings." - Colin Powell A judge dismissed a drug charge against actress Winona Ryder and rescheduled her trial for Oct. ' A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
" After a moment the man replied, "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium."A Texan, a Canadian, and a guy from Buffalo are out riding horses.
The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a shot, then another, and suddenly throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air.
Maybe we'd like to have one piece of furniture that our pets and kids don't cause to disintegrate. I made brisket."Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Maybe we'd like to have at least one room in this house that doesn't look like Arnold Schwarzenegger had a riot in it.
He was removed on a stretcher to a loud ovation from the crowd of 15,000, but regained consciousness in time to give the two thumbs up and punch the air. I was at a stoplight, behind a car with a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus." Caught up in the moment, I honked my horn.Do you know that by the time your Uncle Arthur was nine, he was already supporting his family with two jobs, plus going to school and taking care of three sick birds and his paraplegic cousin Rivka? Your asthmatic brother Steven, bless his heart, never opens his mouth to his parents; he knows respect; you should take a lesson. My mother responded, "That's not funny." I agreed with her; I was serious. ” I replied, ”Well, yes, but I’d much rather be into wealth and hellness!"If your Grandpa Morris was alive to see how you behave, it would kill him. It wasn't hard to envision Federal Express planes carrying tons of ungrateful Jewish children's leftover brisket to Shanghai. ”They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies.He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest.
He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the Canadian. " The guy from Buffalo says, "Well, in Buffalo, we have plenty of Canadians, but bottles are worth a nickel."A streaker who interrupted an ice hockey game in Calgary last week had to be taken away on a stretcher after falling badly.If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail." - Fran Lebowitz A man saw President Clinton smoking a pipe and said, "Hey Bill, I thought you were a cigar man." President Clinton responded, "Cigars are for pussies! Post Office What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? -Casey Stengel While driving down the road a motorist saw a fortuneteller at a roadside stand sitting under an umbrella smiling and laughing.