Confidence in dating

19-Nov-2019 15:57

A professional, personal, or creative setback will take time to properly process.

Your wounds might not fully heal for some time (or ever, in some cases), but they will eventually become more bearable.

Recognize the urge to either repress or sulk, which are really two different ways of avoiding action. These setbacks can keep you on the sidelines, make you feel defeated, and brand you as a failure.

(In fact, you can think of those two extremes as desirable forms of quitting! I just want to be sure you learned the right lessons.” The price of failure is a lesson learned with pain. Or you can choose to see these moments as an opportunity to learn, become better, and rebuild for the future. It just means that your “failure” isn’t the full story. You get to enjoy a temporary refuge from the stress, anxiety, and frustration of confronting your limitations.

Ignoring a blow to your confidence is just as dangerous as overindulging in self pity.We don’t need to dwell on them or give them more importance than they deserve (tending to your wounds can become a full-time job — and another seductive way to avoid action!), but we do need to acknowledge them in order to move forward.) Like all good therapy, the goal here is to get back to the business of being you — to the process of building your confidence by checking in with yourself, staying in the game, reframing your setbacks, and remembering that beautiful paradox: that by risking your confidence out there in the world, you ultimately contribute to its growth. An executive there once thought he was going to get fired after losing million of the company’s money, only to have the CEO surprise him. The rest of the story is what you choose to learn and do by seeing the situation differently. As interviewer Zane Lowe once said to Kanye West, “You win or you learn.” Through that lens, total failure — in which you gain nothing at all — is actually an illusion. And let’s be honest: When you’re feeling unconfident, quitting often feels like the only viable option.

This technique is called reframing touched on previously), and this perceptual shift allows you transform the beliefs that don’t help you achieve your goals (called “unresourceful beliefs”) into ones that do, and create actionable steps to make change. There are few things as immediately gratifying as quitting. But quitting has long-term consequences that can far outweigh the immediate rewards.Friends, accountability partners, family and significant others are excellent partners for that conversation. Sometimes, getting out of your immediate surroundings (even for a day trip) will give you the space and clarity to reflect.

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We who knew him felt our own ambitions purified and ennobled by the contact. … continue reading »

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Or, like, not ugly, but not as pretty as some other girls I've dated. Evolutionary psychology has provided mountains of data on why women choose the mates they do… In my increasingly pathetic and desperate search for someone to love , I embarked on a year of industrial dating that has left me deeply scarred and utterly miserable.… continue reading »

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